I sit here in the early morning listening to the sound of the wind chimes gently swinging off the back deck. My Amazon Echo begins playing in the background. This morning she greets me with an email message from my girl, “I was just thinking of you today Mom and wanted to tell you that I LOVE YOU!” Oh, what a beautiful morning greeting this is at 5:00 a.m. Moments later another email pops up, “I love you, Mom!” The emails that sporadically pop-up are loaded on here among over 18K pictures. Somehow, out of all those thousands of memories she knows my heart needs to hear from her today. Or, truth be told, God knows. He knows that tomorrow is the 7th month since my girl went on to heaven. He knows I’m still wrestling within. He knows that perhaps I always will. Yes, I know she’s safe. I know she’s at peace. I know she is no longer struggling, but still … my momma’s heart wrestles with her simply being gone from this earth. But He knows.
God knows that I have already spent years mourning the death of my girl. This was long before she went to heaven. The child I knew and loved slowly disappeared in front of my eyes as the drugs overtook her mind and body. After I learned that addiction was a disease, I was able to view things through a different lense, but it still didn’t take the sadness away. The same is true today.
As I sit here the Lord brings to my mind the words to a song by Jeremy Camp, He Knows. They resonate within my heart and remind me once again – He truly does know the pain we are suffering missing our loved ones. Especially on the days when the waves try to take me under, I will run to Him. I will seek His face and His heart of love and compassion. He Knows.
Every time that you feel forsaken, Every time that you feel alone, He is near to the brokenhearted. Every tear. He Knows.
