The Double A’s: Anticipation and Anguish

It’s so hard to believe we are already heading into late January.  Where does the time go? Since Melanie ran ahead to heaven the concept of time means something entirely different to me now.  I have a much greater appreciation of time, especially time spent love ones. As unbelievable as it seems I am nearingContinue reading “The Double A’s: Anticipation and Anguish”

The First Christmas

Here we are in this “Year of Firsts” getting ready to experience Christmas without Melanie. Have I ever had a Christmas without Melanie? Unfortunately, yes. We experienced several without her but this one will be entirely different. During those times when we could not celebrate together we would always speak by phone and visit onContinue reading “The First Christmas”

Nine Months

Melanie went on to heaven 9 months ago today.  I’ve been thinking about what a difference 9 months can make in a life.  It takes 9 months to bring a child into this world.  Oh, how elated I was when my girl was born!  It was a beautiful Saturday in April.  Once she decided itContinue reading “Nine Months”

Putting Our Broken Pieces Back Together

Hello Friends, I know I’ve been pretty quiet recently. God’s been doing some much needed work in my heart and I’ve been using this time for self-care. The last few weeks have left me feeling a lot like a jigsaw puzzle, and I’m not talking about that moment when you triumphantly put the last fewContinue reading “Putting Our Broken Pieces Back Together”

Self-Care or Selfish?

As is typical of most women and especially mothers, we are always running around taking care of everyone else.  We have many roles and juggle so many things I think we could easily work for Barnum & Bailey!  Cook.  Taxi driver.  Social director.  Wife.  Mother.  Lover.  Friend.  Teacher.  Nurse.  Cleaning lady.  The list goes onContinue reading “Self-Care or Selfish?”

Halloween Memories or Signs?

Although Fall is my favorite season, we are not a family that makes a big celebration out of Halloween. But, during this grief journey every memory that pops up on my timeline touches my heart in a special way, like this picture of Melanie with our son, Cameron. Oh, how I love those smiles!! IContinue reading “Halloween Memories or Signs?”

The Return of the Mask

When Melanie went to heaven I stepped out in faith and removed the mask I’d been wearing for many years. It was a giant step for me, but it was one full of fear. Fear of being judged. Fear of being shunned. Fear of tarnishing her memory. Fear of just about everything. At the timeContinue reading “The Return of the Mask”

Speak Life

Isn’t it amazing how one of the smallest parts of our body is both the strongest and the deadliest. Some may think it’s the heart, or perhaps the lungs. Those certainly are major parts of our body that give us life and strength, but it is not the part I am referring to. The smallestContinue reading “Speak Life”

Can We Have A Retake?

This week I received an email from my son’s school reminding us of the date we could retake this year’s school picture.  It got me thinking.  A retake. A do over.  How awesome would it be if we could manage life’s challenges in such a simplistic way? Recently a friend asked if I relived theContinue reading “Can We Have A Retake?”

Dry Bones Rattle

Yesterday marked eight months since Melanie went on to heaven. As each month passes by, I find myself taking 3 steps forward then 2 steps back.  It’s a dance I play with myself.  Oh, there are days I’m feeling strong and healthy.  Then there are those days when I feel nothing.  Broken.  Empty.  Dry BonesContinue reading “Dry Bones Rattle”

Ashes and Grace

Questions, questions, and more questions!  I’ve had plenty of them since Melanie went to heaven.  “Is this it? Is this the end of her story?  Am I supposed to be filled with this sadness and grief for the rest of my life? Is this what’s become of me? What now? Surely, there must be someContinue reading “Ashes and Grace”

A Broken Vessel

It’s been said you cannot draw from an empty vessel. True words, my friends! No matter what our specific story, if you’re on this grief journey you are sure to find yourself feeling broken. I’m still feeling a bit beaten up by my grief this week.  My mind understands how and why I’m feeling thisContinue reading “A Broken Vessel”

Remind Me You’re Here

I won’t ask you for reasons … I don’t need all the answers.  These were the words from a song in the night (Job 35:10) that I found myself tapping into my phone at 2:30 this morning. When I got up and plugged them into YouTube up popped the song, Remind Me You’re Here, byContinue reading “Remind Me You’re Here”

Who’s Your Daddy?

Remember the Titans is one of my all-time favorite movies for so many reasons. It’s based on the true story of African American coach Herman Boone, played by Denzel Washington and his attempt to integrate a high school football team in 1970’s Alexandria, VA.  There are so many reasons to love this movie the leastContinue reading “Who’s Your Daddy?”

Soothing the Savage Beast

I can’t believe it’s the beginning of October! Where has the time gone? It’s been the longest, shortest year of my life.  The year started off with such hope, then within a matter of a few weeks my life took a turn I didn’t see coming and changed the course of it forever.  I didn’tContinue reading “Soothing the Savage Beast”

Let the Truth Be Told

Lie number one: You’re supposed to have it all togetherWhen they ask how you’re doing, just smile and tell them, “Never better”Lie number two: Everybody’s life is perfect except yoursSo, keep your messes and your wounds and your secrets safe with you behind closed doorsBut truth be told, the truth is rarely told …I say,Continue reading “Let the Truth Be Told”

Another in the Fire

On these challenging days when my heart is so heavy from missing my girl and the tears are falling down my face I just want to crawl back into the safety of my bed, throwing the covers over my head.  I grow tired of the palpitations of my heart beating like a steel drum. AnxietyContinue reading “Another in the Fire”

King of My Heart

As the Fall begins to usher in cool, crisp mornings I’ve been thinking of years past.  For some reason there is something about the changing of the season that is causing me to become more reflective. Many thoughts and memories have been flooding my mind. Both the good and the challenging. I’m sure some ofContinue reading “King of My Heart”

He Knows

I sit here in the early morning listening to the sound of the wind chimes gently swinging off the back deck.  My Amazon Echo begins playing in the background. This morning she greets me with an email message from my girl, “I was just thinking of you today Mom and wanted to tell you thatContinue reading “He Knows”

Pandemic Grief

Who would have ever imagined in the year 2020 we would have experienced a worldwide pandemic? Wasn’t that something that only happened in the “old days”? I’ve been thinking about the strangeness of this year, specifically, how different it is walking through this grief journey in the middle of a pandemic. Walking through grief isContinue reading “Pandemic Grief”

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