Remembering My Girl

Three years … 1095 days … 26,280 hours ago, you ran ahead to Heaven. It still seems like only yesterday and an eternity, all at the same time.

Many have asked if it’s become any more manageable over time – the grief, the missing of you. I hesitate, but only for a moment because, indeed, does it ever get any easier when you lose a child? No, not really. There will always be a gaping hole in my heart that can only be filled by my girl. 

But, gratefully, because of my Heavenly Father and the great love He has for his children, my heart is no longer torn wide open in the same way it was 3 years ago when it felt as if a grenade had exploded within my chest. 

Without my faith and knowing Melanie is happy and safe in Heaven and that I will see her again one day, I would never have made it this far. But God … He is the reason. He is my hope, my rock, my strength, and my cornerstone during the worst battle I’ve ever been in.

My heart has changed in so many ways, and I will never be the person I was before. But that’s okay – this is grief and it has become folded into the tapestry of my life. 

Melanie, as the day unfolds, I will do my best to remember how you lived and not how you died. I feel you with me each and every day and carry you with me in my heart. Your life will not be in vain, my sweet girl. I will share your story and know that God will use it to touch hearts and make a difference in the lives of others. No matter that Heaven and Earth separate us, you will always be my girl, and I will always be your Momma.

As the song, Scars in Heaven goes, “There’s not a day goes by that I don’t see you. You live on in all the better parts of me. Until I’m standing with you in the sun, I’ll fight this fight and this race I’ll run. Until I finally see what you can see.”