With Great Loss Comes a Major Change of Perspective

Have you found that since the loss of your loved one the things that were once so important to you no longer are? I’ve come to learn that with great loss comes a major change of perspective.

While talking with a friend over lunch last week we spoke about how our priorities and thoughts had shifted since we found ourselves walking the grief journey. The things that used to be so very important no longer are. Have you found this to be true in your life?  

When death knocks on your door your life changes in ways we never imagined it would. The things I once saw as mountains have become mole hills.  

There was a time I used to really sweat the small stuff. I was hyper focused on perfectionism both personally and professionally. I was always concerned about what people thought of me. Was I good enough? Smart enough? Thin enough? Pretty enough? Fashionable enough?

I wore my mask every day to hide my imperfections and cover all the things I didn’t want others to see. I didn’t want people to know my daughter had S.U.D. (substance use disorder).  What would they think of her? What would they think of me? Would they look down on me? Blame me? Label her? I was a poster child for the stigma that is associated with addiction.

After Melanie died I realized all of that “stuff” was hogwash! Totally unimportant. The only person I needed to answer to was God. It took the death of my only daughter to make me realize all of this “stuff” ultimately had no real bearing in my life. It was then that I removed my mask and all that came with it. It was so liberating!

Grief and loss are hard. Dealing with our grief takes courage. If you are early in your journey or if you just haven’t been able to deal with it, please don’t run away. Instead, when it gets too hard, lean in to the One that can help lift you up, carry you through the valley, and ultimately heal your brokenness.

Friends, we are never the same people we once were before our loved one died and that’s OK. This change in our perspective on life is like looking through the lens of a different pair of glasses. No longer cloudy, or rose-colored. We realize how short life can be and how it can change in the blink of an eye. It’s different, but we see things more clearly now.

Healing our grief takes a lot of work. If we don’t deal with it, grief can destroy our lives. As we begin to view things with that different lens, we can become comfortable within ourselves accepting that we are no longer the same people we once were. Be brave and take the step. You’ll be glad you did.

There’s no way around it but through it! Right up the middle like a linebacker! If we don’t do the necessary work it will show up at another time in another way. Be brave, my friend. We can take each step together. There truly is Hope During Loss!