It seems like I am continually learning lessons as I walk this grief journey. One of those lessons is something I will freely admit I still struggle with. After loss, how can we battle worry and the what if scenarios that can plague our minds?
Recently, it became very apparent to me that the trauma of unexpectedly losing my daughter continues to have long lasting results.
Over the past couple of weeks, each of my sons went through something that affected their physical well-being. Worry began to bombard my heart. A barrage of questions began assaulting my mind: What if he didn’t recover, what if he gets seriously injured, what if… what if… what if. It even got to the point of, what if he died?
Before I knew it, I was traveling full speed ahead down the highway of worst-case scenarios.
Oh, how the enemy loves to play with our minds. He gets us all worked up until we are wringing our hands, not trusting in God but instead are full of anxiety and worry.
Although the moments are fewer and far in between, my mind still tends to wander into the “what if’ category when something happens with my loved ones.
How can we best manage worry and the what ifs?
Over the past few weeks, I’ve real opportunities to place the faith and trust I claim to have in God to the test. After allowing worry and anxiety to creep in I finally hit my knees.
The first thing we should try to remember is, God is a god of love, kindness, and gentleness. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” Galations 5:22-23
God would never speak negativity, worry, upset or death into us. We need to recognize where that is coming from.
The mind is the battlefield, my friends and the enemy is sly and coy. He likes to wreak havoc in our lives.
As soon as I got quiet before the Lord he reminded me that my children, were in fact, his children. He has loaned them to me, and He has promised he will keep watch over them. “For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways” Psalm 91:11
Since Melanie died, worrying about my living children has become more pronounced in my life. I’ve always been a bit of a worrier, but it’s been exacerbated by the sudden loss of my daughter. I remind myself that although I like to think I’m in control of my life, ultimately God is in control, not me!
In the end, I’m learning that we are all still a work in progress. I’m learning how to let go of worry and the what if scenarios. It’s not always easy, but I’ve also realized this is normal. This is grief.