Where Are You God?

At some point in our lives, we will all experience the loss of a loved one. Whether it be a parent, a spouse, or like me, the unexpected loss of a child. Death summons up the deepest of emotions and can make the strongest believer question their faith. Have you ever found yourself asking, “Where are you God?”

Recently, I’ve heard this question asked more than ever before. It’s a question that has no easy answer. It’s not like God is going to pop up, waving his hands shouting, “Here I am! I’m just sitting here by this fig tree waiting to chat with you.” No, it doesn’t work like that!

But God is here. He is as close to you as the air you breathe. He isn’t going to barge in where he isn’t wanted, but he is here, nonetheless. He is standing there, waiting close by for you to invite him in. I made the decision to invite him into my life when I was 16 years old, and it was a decision I have never regretted.

Unexpected and traumatic death has come and knocked on my door twice in my life. Yes, I asked, “Where are you God?” Yet, as devastating as these losses were it didn’t take long for me to realize he was right there with me, even if I didn’t understand why these things happened.

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
    “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so my ways are higher than your ways
    and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9 MSG

When you’re asking, where are you God, it comes down to trust, faith, and hope. Trust that God is who he says he is. Faith that his word is true and holding on to the hope of Christ.  

Over the past few weeks, I’ve had the same dream over and over again. In it my youngest son is walking along with me and in the next moment he’s gone. Vanished, like a puff of smoke! I had the same type of dream about my husband as well. One minute we were walking together in a crowd of people and the next thing he was gone. Each time I have woken up crying and yelling their names.

Momentarily I have awakened with such fear gripping my heart. Death, especially unexpected traumatic death can bring on a host of responses. The one thing that I depend on is my faith. It is what has made the difference between surviving my daughter’s death or barely functioning each day.  

During one of my quiet times I was reminded that God never promised we wouldn’t have trials. But he does promise he will be with us through them all. He would never leave us.

“I will never fail you or abandon you.” Hebrews 13:5 CSB

I know this isn’t the way for everyone, but I would ask you, “Where else will you go? Who will you turn to? What else do you have left?”

If you’re asking, “Where is God?” He is right here just waiting to be invited in. I encourage you to fix your eyes on him.

He will fill your tank when you’re empty.

He will lift you up and carry you when you cannot take one more step.

He knows your heartache and he will heal your crushed spirit.

Grief is hard. It’s the hardest thing we will ever do. This journey is not one of instant gratification. It’s something I have to work at every single day. I have to put in the time to spend in the word, and on those days when I feel overwhelmed if I can remember only one word it’s this: Jesus, the name above all names.