Bittersweet, Beautiful and Broken

This weekend we celebrated the launch of my book, Beautifully Broken. It was such a mixture of emotions – bittersweet, beautiful and broken all at the same time. We celebrated with friends and family, and the best part of the day was when my oldest son who lives out of state surprised us all by showing up at the event. His attendance meant the world to me as we could all be together to once again honor Melanie.  

Many have asked how I decided on the title of my book. Well, Beautifully Broken, is derived from a poem Melanie wrote the year before she died. It truly is the essence of who she was, and I’d like to share an excerpt from the book with you today.

I Am
I am broken but beautifully made
I wonder if I’ll make it after this
I hear my son’s voice
I see myself walking out of these gates
I want to be sober for the rest of my life
I am broken but beautifully made

I pretend like I have it all together
I feel like crying
I touch my chest because my heart is broken
I worry that I will fail and not succeed
I cry when I feel alone
I am broken but beautifully made

I understand I am stuck with this disease
I say have faith, this too shall pass
I dream about being in better places soon
I try to please those that don’t care about me
I hope to be happy with who I’ve become
I am broken but beautifully made ©

This was my Melanie.

While this was an exciting time, the closer we got to the book launch the bittersweet continually seeped into the crevices of this momma’s heart and spirit. My main thought always came back to this – If only I didn’t have to write this book and my girl was still here with me. Sigh.

In the weeks preceding the launch I felt as if I was being attacked on every side. I was physically ill and also began to experience anxiety in a way I had not had in a long time. I am so grateful for the friends and family who came alongside me lifting me up in prayer. The enemy does not like when we do anything good, and he especially doesn’t like it if we are giving honor and glory to Jesus while doing so.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. (Ephesians 6: 12-13 NIV)

Writing this book was Holy Spirit inspired and a true labor of love. Knowing this I remain firm in my stand and am excited to share our journey as God has directed me to do with authenticity and vulnerability.

As we all continue to venture down the path of grief, I am thankful for each of you. I don’t claim to know all the answers because I don’t.  But one thing I know for sure is that walking this road together, linking arms, and lifting each other up along the way makes the journey so much easier.

Published by pat

Mom. Wife. Honey. Jesus-Girl. Love to travel, cook, make beautiful things grow and spend time with family & friends.

4 thoughts on “Bittersweet, Beautiful and Broken

  1. It was such a beautiful launch and the book is amazing — I wish I could send the kids away for the day and curl up on the couch and finish it uninterrupted!!!! I would have MUCH rather met Melanie on this side of heaven then be reading y’all’s story in a book but your words on paper are proof God can make beauty come from ashes of pain. Thank you for being obedient in delivering this book to the world. It’s going to touch so many!!!!

  2. Beautifully Broken is an amazing true life journey sharing a mother’s grief at the loss of her child, Melanie.
    Thank you for this labor of love in spite of the tears and heartache Pat. It will touch the hearts and souls of many for years to come. It has touched mine for sure. Through your book you are educating others about grief while at the same time offering comfort and acceptance to those who are grieving. Your Faith in the good Lord is your anchor and sharing his words of comfort throughout your book will encourage others to never give up hope in his understanding, mercy, and love.

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