Grief is Complicated

Recently I went to the grand opening of a new florist that opened in our area. I was greeted by a lovely woman who happened to be one of the owners. She showed me around her quaint shop that offered unique clothing, jewelry and of course, flowers. After looking around I selected a beautiful “Grab n Go” Fall arrangement but asked if she wouldn’t mind adding a sunflower to it. 

While I waited we made small talk and she mentioned how she loved sunflowers. Without thinking, my very short and simple response was, “Sunflowers were my daughter’s favorite, too.” She paused briefly, looked up at me and said, “Were?” In a matter of seconds, and from completely out of nowhere, tears began to fill my eyes to the point where I couldn’t speak to answer but could only nod my head.

Yes, grief is complicated.

So, that lovely woman simply turned, grabbed a few more sunflowers, and placed them in the vase. As she handed it to me she said, “This is my gift to you today. May looking at them bring you joy.” Oh, my heart. I felt such a mixture of joy and sorrow all at the same time.

My husband and son were sitting outside finishing up their gelatos and as I approached they took one look at me and asked, “What happened?” I left with a smile and returned with a tear stained face. After I assured them I was fine, I told them of the kindness that was bestowed upon me.

Yes, grief is complicated.

Whether a person is in the early days of grief or years in, it’s perfectly normal for these unexpected grief bursts. Grief doesn’t make us flawed – it makes us human.

Death and grief eventually touch the lives of each and every one of us. There is no one on this earth who can escape the grief journey. There are some who may look at those of us who are mourning and think, “I’ll never be like her! I’ll never let that happen to me! I’m so much stronger than that!”

As the old saying goes – never say never! Grief is complicated.

Grieving is a way we show all the love in our heart for our loved one. Because love remains, there will always be a part of us that grieves.

I’m ever so grateful God promises to heal our broken heart (Psalm 34:18). Yet, I know there will always be a scar within me that represents the love and the void left behind since Melanie’s death.

Grief and love go hand-in-hand, and I’ve learned we can simultaneously have joy and sadness. I accept this as a part of who I am now. Smiling one moment, tearful the next. It’s all part of this complicated journey called grief.