How often do we allow ourselves to feel pressured by others to feel a certain way? How often do we allow ourselves to feel guilty that we aren’t further along in our grief journey? It happens more often than we’d like to admit.
It doesn’t have to be this way, my friends. In case you need someone to tell you this today, go ahead and give yourself permission to let it go, just like Queen Elsa! This may be a kids theme but I love the sentiment behind the song – we need to be more like Queen Elsa!
There were many times I would encourage my kids to be independent and not allow others to influence their decisions and way of thinking. Well, how interesting is it that now as adults we sometimes tend to do the same.
Recently I heard from another bereaved mom who was not able to express her grief in her own home. Her family didn’t want to hear all her “doom and gloom, and negativity.” My heart broke for her.
In order to heal we must have the freedom to express every single emotion we feel, for as long it takes.
Especially during the first year of losing my daughter, there were more times than I can recall when I sobbed until I could barely breathe. There were multiple times I repeated the same stories about Melanie to my husband. Thankfully, he allowed me this freedom, with the utmost patience and without judgment.
We all grieve so differently. I can’t say this enough! The judgment and expectations need to end! We need to give grace and mercy to ourselves, and those we meet along the way who are also walking this path.
One day we can feel happy and full of joy, and the very next day we can be curled up on the couch, gazing off into the air, without an ounce of energy and a box of tissues by our side.
There is no time limit for grieving. Just like there is no time limit for love.
Yesterday a song came on the radio that I hadn’t heard in a while, I Have This Hope, by Tenth Avenue North. The words spoke to my heart so deeply I decided to pull it up on YouTube. I was amazed it had over 4.1M views. I’d like to share a short portion of it with you today. I also hope you take a moment to listen to the song, and I’d like to know if you’ve had these same thoughts like me.
As I walk this great unknown
Questions come and questions go
Was there purpose for the pain?
Did I cry these tears in vain?
I don’t want to live in fear
I want to trust that You are near
Trust Your grace can be seen
In both triumph and tragedy
I have this hope
In the depth of my soul
In the flood or the fire
You’re with me and You won’t let go
It gives me hope when I hear from others who have walked this journey ahead of me and have survived. I always remember, it doesn’t mean they no longer miss their loved ones, but they have allowed God to heal their heart. My favorite scripture since Melanie ran ahead to heaven is, “He heals the broken-hearted and those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18.
This is a scripture I remind the Lord about time and again. When I feel myself sinking low, I reach out to touch the hem of the garment of the only one who can lift me. There is no person on this earth who can heal us like the one who made us.