Yesterday marked eight months since Melanie went on to heaven. As each month passes by, I find myself taking 3 steps forward then 2 steps back. It’s a dance I play with myself.
Oh, there are days I’m feeling strong and healthy. Then there are those days when I feel nothing.
Broken. Empty. Dry Bones rattling.
This is me. Is it you, too?
On those days I’m not strong. Grief has removed all life from these bones. All happiness from this heart.
Nothing about this grief journey is right. Nothing about this walk is easy. One moment I’m (seemingly) fine, and strong. Encouraging. Reassuring. Inspiring others. Hopeful. Pouring out my heart here for all the world to see, yet I still feel sad, grief-stricken, anxious. The enemy tries to tell me I’m a fraud. A hypocrite. “How can you feel hopeful during loss?” he whispers. “How can you encourage others when you’re still grieving?” he taunts. “Melanie is still in heaven. You’re still here. You’re own family is still suffering the loss of your girl.”
I’ve never claimed to be a Superhero and even though my little boy thinks I’m Wonder Woman 😉, I do have one Super Power to extinguish those fiery darts of the enemy. Prayer and the mighty, powerful name of Jesus. When I begin to get beat down and believe the lies being thrown at me, that’s when I run back into my Daddy’s arms. I fall on my knees seeking out the only one who can ease the ache of these dry bones and help restore my soul.
In Ezekiel 4:6-7, the Lord shows him a valley of dry, dead, brittle bones. Not a speck of movement. Nothing! “Then he told me to speak to the bones and say: “O dry bones, listen to the words of God, for the Lord God says, ‘See! I am going to make you live and breathe again! I will replace the flesh and muscles on you and cover you with skin. I will put breath into you, and you shall live and know I am the Lord.’”
Yes, even though these dry bones are rattling, I will stand and praise Jesus for the life I’ve been given. I may not understand it all, but one day when I see Him face to face I’ll know. When I see my girl, these dry bones will dance again. Until then, I’ll press on knowing it’s going to be OK.
If you’re being challenged and feel empty and walking around with rattling dry bones, take a moment to listen to the song below from Tasha Leyton, Into the Sea, (It’s Gonna Be Ok”). Your dry bones will begin to have life breathed back into them.
My heart is breaking
In a way I never thought it could
My mind is racing
With the question, “Are you still good?”
Can you make something
From the wreckage
Would you take this heart and make it whole again?
Though the mountains may be moved into the sea
Though the ground beneath might crumble and give way
I can hear my Father singing over me
“It’s gonna be OK, it’s gonna be OK”
You’re not alone in this journey Pat. Your description is spot on. Lately, I feel as if I have taken a few steps back. In my mind I know it will be okay, but in my heart I am struggling. I think of you often and feel your pain too. Love you.
Apparently, this is the grief dance! My friend, we know we will get through this and the only way through it is doing what we are doing. Walking through it – one step and one day at a time. Love you! 💕
Yes, It’s going to be ok! With God all things are possible❤️❤️❤️
Love you girlfriend
What a beautiful picture of Melanie, Pat. I know you miss her terribly. You are reaching out with your true heartfelt feelings and beliefs. The grief journey is full of ups and downs. It is “going to be okay”, have faith and hope in those words. Blessings, Jean