Roller Coaster Ride

There’s no heart you can’t rescue
There’s no war you can’t win
No story so over, it can’t start again
No pain you won’t use
No wall you won’t break through
It might be too much for me but
There is no impossible with you!
~ I AM THEY

When I was a teenager, I remember how exciting it was when I got to visit Whalom Park, which was the 13^th oldest amusement park in the U.S.  The moment we would get there my best friend, Patty and I would race over to the Flying Comet to stand in the long line waiting our turn.  Once we got strapped in the seat we began the slow ascent up, up, up listening to the clickety-clack of the wooden tracks cracking and popping as we made our way up toward the sky.  Our hearts would begin racing in anticipation of what lay ahead.  Finally, we would reach the top and for a split second we would see the beautiful lake in front of us before we plunged down the track headfirst, hands in the air screaming at the top of our lungs!!  So fun and exhilarating, with a little bit of scary at the same time!  When we reached the bottom, we would turn right around and head back to the line to do it all over again. Oh, the joy of childhood! 

Since Melanie went to heaven my life often feels like the younger me on the Flying Comet. One day I’m cruising along, with the sun shining brightly overhead, a gentle breeze blowing in the wind, and a peaceful spirit within.  In the very next moment, out of nowhere, I feel like I’m being frantically whipped around the corner, hanging off the edge of my seat as I take a curve being jerked from side to side.  My heart begins pounding in my chest and for no apparent reason fear begins to seep in.  Instead of the clickety-clack of the wooden tracks, all I hear is my own heart beating wildly within.  I’m on a rollercoaster alright, but not the Flying Comet.  It’s the rollercoaster of my AMD life.  I now refer to my life in two different segments of time:  BMD and AMD.  Before Melanie Died and After Melanie Died.  Friends, I don’t know where you are on your grief journey, but whether it’s days, months or years I believe being on this rollercoaster is actually a very normal process.

I’m discovering that what’s most important for our health and wellbeing is what we do with these rollercoaster moments that matters most.  For me, I’ve found a few things that help me walk this journey with more peace.  Journaling each day helps me capture my thoughts and feelings as I pour it all out onto the pages.  I usually do this in the early morning hours when no one else is awake yet.  Yes, it means that I’m oftentimes getting up between 4:30a – 5:00a but it’s so worth it.  Starting out my day in prayer, talking to my Heavenly Father, reading from my bible or one of my devotionals helps set my day to begin on a positive note.  If you’re looking for a good devotional my favorite is, Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.  I’ve read this one over and over again for years and it’s amazing how many times the words seem to leap off the page speaking right to me!  The other thing that gets me down off the whirls and twirls of the rollercoaster life is music.  I love all types of music but during these times I focus on songs by artists who inspire me with their worship.  If I don’t know what I want to play I simply ask Alexa to play The Message on XM Radio.  Oh, that Alexa, she never does me wrong! 😊

If you feel as if you’re on the Flying Comet and being tossed back and forth like a rag doll I hope you’ll take a moment for yourself today.  Order yourself a beautiful journal from Amazon.  Lift up a simple prayer, lean into God and ask Him to fill your heart with His peace today. Turn on the music and turn it up loud! Check out the song to the words I posted above and remember, there is nothing that’s impossible for God!